Pun to Remember
by bogglewoolf
Summary: For all those who agree half of all Dramione fics move too fast and make no sense, this is for you. When Malfoy jumps Hermione in the hall, what will be admitted. Your in for a good laugh.


"Oh for God's sake." I stated. I did not scream it nor did I say it with anguished travesty. It was merely a statement that was true. My entire day had been a whirling, twirling, dream. Not a seeing Filch in a lacey, puffy, pink tutu and doing an Irish jig kind of dream, but a walking into the Great Hall with no clothes on and then spilling a jug of Boysenberry Juice onto my lap kind of dream. I was pretty sure I had failed my Charms test and Ron and I had gotten into a massive row. And Draco had buggered her all day.

"Filthy mudblood." He would throw at me. I tried, honest, to make them slide across me like I had been dumped into a batch of oil. They still stung. Breaking out of my recollection of today's horrors, I looked around at the sea of books that had broken through the bottom of my book bag. Letting out a resigned sigh, I reached out for my Arithmecy book when someone's foot got in the way. With a loud screech from the book running over the gravel in the cobblestone hall, I looked up. The tips of the daggers I had hidden in my eyes began to protrude so I blinked back into order to keep the malice at bay. And there he stood, in all his "glory" and "royalty" was none other than Draco Ferret Malfoy. I saw something dangerous glint in his eyes and I stood up quickly.

"What do you want ferret face?" I asked calmly, with a hint of a grin. He did not respond, but let loose a low growl. Instinctively my hand flew to my wand, but it soared over to Malfoy and he snapped in half. I gasped quietly and took a step back. I furtively looked down the halls and I just happened to be far away from each end. I saw Harry and Ron walk by and I screamed out to them but they did not look over to me. Ron made an obscene gesture and flipped his hair before disappearing from view.

"Well, mudblood, it seems we are alone." Malfoy said cockily. He moved forward and began circling me, as if trying to size me up for his meal.

"Still as hideous as ever."

"Head as inflated as ever"

"Whore"

"Bastard"

"Bitch"

"Ferret Face." He flinchd back as if slapped and began rubbing his cheekbones.

"I'm pretty, I'm pretty, I'm pretty." I raised my eyebrows as he muttered something about his mommy saying he was pretty. He snapped out of it and flipped his wand. I tasted blood and saw he had slit my cheek. He chuckled ominously and quickly raised his wand. By now figuring out what he intended to do, I shrieked and crouched back against the wall, sliding to the ground. He laughed freely now and I felt red rise in my cheeks. He wanted to scare me. So far he had been successful. He cast a binding spell around me and constricted me. I struggled for breath and squeaked out,

"Why?" He stopped and uncertainty flashed across his beautiful face. Beautiful? What am I TALKING about? Ew.

"Because I must. My father will eat my puppy if I don't kill you and then the

Dark Lord won't let me pick out his robes. What would I do then, huh? Granger?! He would kill my beloved Mr. Fuzzykins and the Dark Lord would banish me from his wardrobe forever!" he screamed at me. I cowered back and somehow managed the courage to look him in the eyes. He must have spotted something for he closed his eyes with a pained expression and looked away, keeping his wand level with my heart.

"Malfoy. Draco. I know you have always tormented me and hurt me and called me vicious and racial names and tried to have me expelled and arranged for me and my best friends deaths but I know there is good in you! Don't do this. You aren't a killer, Draco." Looking down at me, he knelt down and reached for me. I embraced him and we sat there, for I don't know how long. I patted his greasy, gelled, platinum hair.

"I love you." He murmured quietly. I smiled.

"I love you, too." He leaned back and wiped the blood off my face with his robe.

"You are so beautiful. Ever since I saw you I've been in love with you. I know for seven year I gave you cruel and unusual pranks and I even had Crabbe and Goyle mug you once, but while they were punching you I was thinking how pretty you look when you have Goyle's fist up your nose. And even though I jinxed all you textbooks so they would jump up and bite you in the nose I was thinking of your well-being the whole time. Perhaps I will stop being a deatheater and marry you." Draco finished passionately. Then he shook his head.

"No, the Dark Lord will know. We must run away together!" Draco said rising and pulling me with him. I gazed at him with longing and I knew I would.

"What about Harry? And Ron?" I said sadly. Draco smiled.

"I left a basket weaving kit on Potter's bed. That should keep him satisfied. And I put a bewitched muffin on Weasley's desk. He'll be chasing it for weeks. We're all set." Draco said pulling me into a kiss. After what seemed like 16 years, he pulled back and pulled out a broom.

"Let's go my fair lady." And we were off for a lifetime of ferrets, blond hair, and sarcasm.


End file.
